I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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