2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
