you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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