the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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