She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
