she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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