can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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