i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize