then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
