Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
