she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
