I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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