Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
