Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
