I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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