can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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