I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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