Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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