Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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