Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
