I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize