you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
