Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
