Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
