if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
