Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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