The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
