You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
