So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
