I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
