Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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