i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
