you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So. Much. Porn.
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