I got chris browned last night
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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