In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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