laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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