i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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