I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
