U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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