I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
