can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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