everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
