the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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