I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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