O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
