My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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