A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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