I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
