he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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