I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
