Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
