so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize