you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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