I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
