dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
