I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
