Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
