Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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