My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
