the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
