I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize