Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
