OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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