the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
