meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
