Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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